Love thyself

“I don't want to be with someone
who splatters their pain
across the Internet”
he said,
smirking

“And I don't want to be with someone
who could never get me”
I said,
turning to leave
letting myself feel
his disapproval
echo in my body
Letting it hit my heart
but not take home in me

Here is the thing my friends
Some of you
want me to assure you
that becoming more and more you
is going to go pleasantly
that you will end up
not only loving yourself
but be more adored
and your life will open
beautifully

And that is lovely
but just not guaranteed
In fact, quite the contrary
As you become more
you
there is a high probability
that it will trigger
those around you
and when people are triggered
they can come at you
with all their
disappointment
hate
and just plain
dissatisfaction

And I can tell you
it doesn’t feel good
And I can also tell you
it still feels better
way better
than trading
me
for
the chance
that you might like
who I am pretending
to be

Because sometimes
in the most precious
of moments
I get seen

And it feels better
then a million
sweet empty
somethings

And it carries me
through moments
like these
when my heart cracks open
and someone gets in
who has blatant disregard
for that which I hold dear

Someone
who just
doesn’t get it
get me

And I get it now
I understand
This my friends,
this is how you know
if someone
is a person for you

Because some will retract
and some will lean in
as you reveal
more of you

Choose the ones
that lean in

Yes this
please

Choose
the ones
that lean
in

by Emily Rosen

Relationship endings

Imagine the next step, where we don’t see relationship endings as defeats, but as victories and necessary openings—lessons on the path to wholeness. Imagine the next step, where we honor the courage it took to open to the possibility of love, where we see intimacy as a wondrous opportunity to deepen in cosmic stature. How can any failed relationship ever be a complete defeat? It took such courage to brave it all, to make love with the divine, to touch God through our vulnerable heart. This is not to say that we don’t grieve loss; it is only to remind us of the opportunity that lives at the heart of every farewell. A little scar tissue can go a long way on the path to presence.

Jeff Brown

Intimacy

The Key to a Healthy Intimate Relationship~

I'm often asked: what is the best way I can prepare for a healthy, deeply satisfying intimate relationship? How can I attract the right partner for me - a person who I can travel with on the journey of the heart, and is truly interested in exploring relationship as a crucible of healing and awakening?

There are many responses to these sorts of questions - workshops to attend, lists of 10 'secrets' to attract your perfect soul mate, 12 steps to manifesting your twin flame, and so forth. It can be important to experiment, with openness and curiosity, any approach that you feel drawn to.

The suggestion I usually make, though, is not nearly as sexy or compelling, or all that fun or flashy: learn how to take care of yourself. Learn how to practice radical self-care, self-kindness, and self-compassion. For to the degree that you are able to take responsibility for your own vulnerabilities and core emotional wounding, it is to this degree that you will release your partner from this burden, which is not his or hers to carry.

So what does it mean to 'take care of yourself' in this context?

By 'taking care' of yourself, I mean becoming very curious about your emotional triggers, about the feelings you do not want to feel - about your addictions, habitual behaviors, and how much you complain about and blame others and the world for your existential flatness, dissatisfaction, rage, and profound feelings of disconnection. Be willing at times to travel underneath the narrative, the very compelling story of 'me,' and make experiential contact with those emotions and sensations that you have abandoned - and at times are seeking in your partner. Make a commitment to stop complaining about your life and instead provide a sanctuary within you for your feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams, fears, and fantasies to unfold and illuminate.

Practice being kind to your feelings and emotions and you will naturally be kind to those intimate partners that are sure to trigger them in you. As long as we are looking to our partners to fulfill those functions that were not offered to us as young children, it will be difficult to come into a fulfilling, loving relationship that is not riddled by the pain of projection. Your partner is there to help you, to support you, but not to take care of or parent you. They were not put on this planet to do your work for you, but to skillfully support you as you turn toward, meet, and metabolize what has been knocking at the door of your heart for so long.

Perhaps there is no 'secret' to co-creating a fulfilling, supportive, mutually beneficial intimate relationship, as it is always in the end, a movement of the unknown. Intimacy is not something we can come to, figure out, or 'solve' by means of conceptual and egoic process, and may never, ever be resolved into a magical formula. But by learning to take care of yourself, you are creating a foundation upon which the mystery of intimacy can unfold, dance, and come alive within you.~

~Matt Licata